Today, Vince Coleman is going to talk about a different aspect of pop-culture: celebrity. Vince Coleman is going to write an open letter to Charlie Sheen. Charlie and Vince Coleman used to be friends. Vince Coleman used to have a lot of friends. Me and Charlie Sheen had so much fun together back in the day that we are actually both banned from the Atlantis Resort and Casino in the Bahamas because of an incident at the craps table with Kelly Preston that Vince Coleman is prohibited by a gag order from discussing.
Dear Charlie –
Hey man, long time no see. Vince Coleman watches that 2 1/2 Men show every week with my cousin Ray-Ray who drank a gallon of paint when he was 9. Ray-Ray loves your show. Anyway, looks like things have been going really good for you, up until this last week.
Vince Coleman just wanted to send you a reminder that all that shit goes away real fast. People don’t like being reminded that you can get away with pretty much anything when you’re rich and famous. Even if you get a suspended one-year jail sentence, three years’ probation, a commitment to do 200 hours of community service, a promise to help fire victims in the Los Angeles area, a lecture from the magistrate and a fine of $1,000 plus penalties totaling about $1,500, it’s not enough for people. Trust me.
Charlie Sheen, being rich and famous is cool. Real cool. It’s easy, too. Just keep your mouth shut and do whatever you want behind the walls of your Malibu estate. Don’t mess it up for a few weeks of fun that everybody wants to talk about. Instead, choose a lifetime of cool stuff that don’t nobody know about.
Keep your head up, Charlie Sheen. Vince Coleman is here if you wanna talk.
-Vince Coleman
1985 NL Rookie of the Year
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