Monday brought blustery winds, driving rain and the end to The Bachelor: Womack Redeux.
We knew Chantal O. was coming to a gun fight with a switchblade (and two gigantic breasts), but the producers fought valiantly against reality and made it seem like Emily could, just maybe, have talked her way out of a ring by persisting that her pesky kid wasn’t anything more than a crying, puking, emergency room regular.
No dice. Chantal O. was dressed as the ‘Black Swan’ and was dismissed in typical over-babbling style from The Womack. Tip to the next Bachelor- when you’re dumping someone on national TV, they’ll understand what is going on- you really don’t need to confirm that they comprehend.
Soon The Womack was on one knee, getting his breath taken away, and – VIOLA! – instant family man with wife in tow…
End scene.
I debated on watching the ‘After The Final Rose’ ceremony. After all, these typically are the repositories for good memories for the dump-ee where she can talk about what a ‘growing experience’ this show has been before getting shuffled off stage left for the new couple to baby talk each other for 45 minutes.
Unless you’re Emily. And then you neuter The Womack with a brilliant evisceration that only a 24-year-old blonde that decided right after the show ended she had made a mistake.
But The Womack is PRIDE personified. He will NOT let this relationship be the shortest in Bachelor history. He will NOT understand that Em’s passive aggressive pot shots at him are signs she desperately wants out. He will NOT be a failure again.
You know, until he is.
He are actual things going on with this hour:
+ The wedding was planned for this hour of TV, but Emily called it off.
+ She doesn’t want to move to Austin. Not in the least. And stated this as a fact, even though The Womack has said he’s not moving anywhere.
+ She wouldn’t put on her ‘engagement’ ring until Chris Harrison and The Womack brow beat her into it by the end of the show.
+ She claims that The Womack has a nuclear temper and his own family warned her to ‘not poke the bear’. She also claimed that things got extremely vocal.
+ 8-10 minutes was spent getting a group therapy session from former contestants. Seriously. This really happened.
+ She claimed that Monday’s ‘were real bad’ for Brad. And that he gave the other girls too much attention.
+ She claimed that she was really fun, while at the same time destroying a man on national TV.
You’re starting to get the point.
The 6 weeks (Yes, SIX weeks) that the couple spent together were symbolic. He wanted to settle down; she wanted to move on from a tragic past. And about 0 time was spent trying to decipher if this was something more than a common goal of being something other than what the world previewed. And at the end of the day, it turned out to be a Grade A disaster.
In fact, they openly admit that they’ve broken up already and are trying to work through this ‘together’.
Right.
We’ve all been there. In a relationship that is just miserable, but for some reason it’s not easy to quit. It’s not easy to go on an extended vacation, get videotaped acting ridiculously in love, feigning an interest in marriage and then calling DO OVER!
We get it.
But let’s get real here. 6 hours with a 5 year old does not make you fit to be a ‘father’. Same as actually opening yourself up for some real emotion after an extended dark period make you fit to be a partner. I think as soon as we saw with our own eyes that Emily was the winner of this season’s Bachelor, we knew this wasn’t going to be anything substantial.
But here we are, in the midst of another failed relationship for a show that was built on wings of love.
Problem is, The Womack and Emily aren’t quite ready to let it go.
Season 3 for Bradley? Time will tell.
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