Roster Moves: Michael Montgomery Joins the Purple People

ITEM! I’ll be honest, when I heard the Vikings had signed Michael Montgomery to the team I immediately thought it was Michael McDonald who sang “Ya Mo Be There” and I kind of wanted to go out and stab someone in the fucking throat. Luckily, Michael Montgomery looks to be only confused with some cowboy hat wearing white dude, but in actuality is some black guy from Texas (so maybe the cowboy thing holds true) with a kick ass goatee. I bet he can grow that out something fierce in Minnesota since it’s so damn cold here all the time. That alone should be worth his contract. But what about this real, live, Michael Montgomery person? Uh … I guess he’s a Minnesota Vikings for now. I WONDER WHAT NUMBER HE’LL WEAR???!! FACT! Ok but really, who is this guy? Apparently he’s a defensive end out of Texas A&M which is a SHIT Big XII school, who was drafted in the sixth round of the 2005 NFL Draft by the terrible, terrible, team, Green Bay Packers. Apparently he was cut by those douchers this offseason because he’s a better fit for a 4-3 defense and the Packers are too stupid to know how to run one correctly, so they gave him up to us. Ok, fine by me. M&M (that’s what I’m calling him now, because typing that name out is a pain) has some nice size (six foot five inches, 273 pounds) and apparently has some good kick off the ball. Honestly, he could be like a level below Ray Edwards if everything worked out in a vacuum world. Sure, he probably won’t be anywhere near that decent, but he WILL be that affordable! That means more money to sign McNabb next year. What? SO? M&M joins a seemingly crowded defensive end grouping now with J, Ray Edwards, Brian Robison, and I thought they still had like Jayme Mitchell or some other dude there. Regardless, I don’t think anyone has aspirations of M&M putting in starter minutes, but I bet he could do some nice spot duty. It sounds like he knows how to rush the passer pretty well, which means he could sub in as a defensive tackle on obvious passing plays or third downs and break a quarterback’s neck. And I think Karl Dunbar is a hell of a defensive line coach, so maybe with him whipping him into shape (instead of that FUPA carrying Mike McCarthy and staff) maybe this guy will turn into something not absolutely terrible.

CONCLUSION! Probably not though. He’s already clocked in six NFL seasons now and hasn’t really made a name for himself. I mean, I never heard of him before now and if I haven’t then I am SURE no one else has! However, I do like this move for several reasons.

1. The guy has size. You can’t teach that, so let’s see what he can do in our defense. 2. We took someone from Green Bay, even if they didn’t want him. That always makes me happy, and we have a pretty good track record of fucking with them (See Sharper, Longwell, Favre). 3. He’s an extra body at what I am guessing is a very affordable rate, so who cares? Let’s put him through camp and give him a whirl. If we get someone better in the draft then so be it, and cut him. There’s no preconceptions that we just fucked ourselves by signing him. If he doesn’t work out, whatever. I probably never liked him anyway.

So there you go. Now I’m going to have Michael McDonald shit stuck in my head all day.