LOSER DOMI: Well, it’s getting a bit late, but I might be able to get some interviews here…
SIDNEY CROSBY: Hey! I’ll talk to yer magazine whatever-thingy! (takes large swig of champagne bottle)
LD: Well, uh, thank you, Sidney Crosby. It’s a blog.
CROSBY: Whata blog, like on the internet? Cool, I’ll talk to you.
LD: That sounds good to me.
CROSBY: Lemme guess, you gonna ask me how it feels to win a gold medal, right? Lemme tell ya, it feels effin’ AWESOME!
LD: I bet it does! Do you have any other plans?
CROSBY: You know what? Imma go and win the Vezina this year. BOOK IT. (takes another large gulp of champagne) And then, I’m gonna write a book, and it’ll win a Pulitzer. Then, when I’m old enough, Imma go and run for President!
LD: By Sid, you’re Canadian, you can’t be U.S. President.
CROSBY: Who said anything about President of the U.S.? I’m gonna be the President of hockey!
LD: You mean, NHL Comissioner?
CROSBY: Kinda, but, like, for hockey EVERYWHERE. And then I’m gonna call up Ovechkin and be all, “wassup, fool?”
LD: Well, to be honest, you did have a good team around you…
CROSBY: You darn right I had a good team! Like this guy over here!
ERIC STAAL: Whoa, Sid. You gotta watch that sailor talk, there (rolls eyes)
LD: Hello, Eric Staal…
CROSBY: She’s on the Internet! We should talk to her, Jordan!
STAAL: I’m Eric. Not Jordan.
CROSBY: Whatever, Big Gronk. Say…Ms. Interwebs reporter, can I ask YOU a question?
LD: I don’t see why not.
CROSBY: Why am I holding onto this empty bottle?
STAAL: You shouldn’t be, Sid. Let’s get something else. (To LD) Between you and me, he’s a total lightweight. Just…total lightweight. (CROSBY and STAAL leave)
CROSBY: (as he is stumbling away) Hey Blog lady, are you single? I know some guys on the Pens are looking and stuff!
LD: Thanks for talking, guys! (SCOTT NIEDERMAYER enters)
SCOTT NIEDERMAYER: Uh, I might have overheard you were some sort of reporter.
LD: Well, I write a largely fictional hockey blog on the Internet…
NIEDERMAYER: Close enough. You wanna talk to the captain?
LD: Sure thing! Thank you. Now what are your plans after this?
NIEDERMAYER: You know, I’m thinking about retiring after this season is over.
LD: Oh, really?
NIEDERMAYER: Yeah, I’m getting a bit old for this. I’m thinking of getting a cabin here in BC, somewhere secluded where I can just, like, be with nature and run around naked all day.
LD: Very lofty goals for a player that has already achieved so much.
NIEDERMAYER: Actually, I should go. I can feel my bones hurting already. I shouldn’t be up this late, Usually I’m in bed by about 8i:30, 9 if I can help it.
LD: Thanks for talking with me, Scott
NIEDERMAYER: Anytime!
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