Darrell Bevell at a Loss of who to Start at Quarterback

Minnesota Vikings offensive coordinator, Darrell Bevell, related to the media Monday afternoon that both him and coach Brad Childress have yet to decide on a starting quarterback for the Vikings first preseason game on Friday, and that any decision may not come until the last minute. “No, we haven’t decided on anything yet” Bevell said as he watched the two quarterbacks split reps on a sunny Mankato practice field. Tarvaris Jackson, currently competing with Sage Rosencopter for the starting spot, was seen in the coordinators line of vision bouncing passes off of defenders hands. Bevell could only shake his head. “You know what, I’m just doing my damndest to coach these two players so that we can have at least mediocre quarterback play out there. Naming one to start, that’s Brad’s problem.” Bevell shook his head in disgust again as a Jackson passed hit a streaking Percy Harvin in the back. “Poor timing. Just … just terrible.” When asked for comment, Brad Childress elaborated. “Yeah, you know what? I bet that Bevell isn’t envious of me having to decide on which donkey I have to put out there to race against the thoroughbreds on Friday. I’m not exactly looking forward to it,” Childress said as he watched Rosencopter bobble a simple hand off to Purple Jesus, “But that’s why they pay me the big bucks; to decide which warm body sucks the least.” Jackson and Rosencopter both continued to toe the company line when asked for their take on who should start this Friday against the Colts in Indianapolis. “You know, it’s going to be important for both of us to gain some experience working with the first team offensive line, the starting receivers, and seeing action against other teams’ starting caliber defenses” Rosencopter said as he paused from lobbing ducks lazily through the air in his receivers general directions. Right now, most of the receivers were scowling at him rather than offering him any sort of congratulatory remarks on a nice practice. “I’m sure whoever starts this Friday will probably be second in for the next game and we’ll rotate like so throughout the preseason. “But I’ll be honest with you” Rosencopter said as Visanthe Shiancoe spit at his feet upon passing. Sage waved awkwardly. “I’m not jealous of Coach Childress here!” Tarvaris Jackson’s sentiments were similar. “Nah I don’ tink dat coach has’ny ideah ‘bout whoosh gwana staht a’ qua’rback. I’ prob’ly done ev’n matta. Iss naht like eatter ah ussis gwana be t’at good, righ’” Jackson said this as John David Booty, the third quarterback in camp, looked on without any idea of what was just being said. Darrell Bevell came up to check in on Jackson. “How are we doing here, champ?” Tarvaris laughed to himself a bit, and proceeded to throw a ball 70 yards downfield on a rope. Bobby Wade, his receiver, stopped mid stride 15 yards in front of Jackson and looked him quizzically. “What the fuck was that, you idiot?” Wade yelled. Jackson just grinned and threw another riffle pass. Bevell looked defeated. “No, we don’t have a quarterback to name as a starter for Friday. Really, non of them are appealing. I wish I could name Harvin quarterback, but we have to at least pretend that we’re having a quarterback competition during the preseason, at least for the masses. When the regular season comes around, chances are that we’ll be running the Wildcat 100% of the time, or close to it. Really, we’ll just have Harvin throwing passes, maybe Purple Jesus orn. I think he use to throw balls in High School.” Bevell sighed again as a Jackson pass landed on the left side line as his intended target continued to run right. “I mean, it’ll be better than what we have now at least.”