WASHTUCNA, WA – Professional sports writers beware. On Thursday, on a glorious fall evening in the greater Washtucna area, WSU Football Bloggers “Brinkhater” and “Sedihawk” officially announced their joint candidacy to be crowned top Washington State College Football Writers for 2008.
The two join an already talented pool of candidates that include the twin bills of Jim Moore and Molly Yanity of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Bob Condotta and Bud Withers of the Seattle Times, as well as the Vincent Grippi-John Blanchette conglomerate of Spokane’s Spokesman Review.
While the two announced that more specific details of their candidacies would be announced in the coming days, Brinkhater used the initial press conference to go on the offensive. Vincent Grippi, the top scribe of WSU Athletics of the Spokesman Review, was Brinkhater’s primary target.
“For too long now, WSU Nation has suffered the wrath of the stodgy, outdated ideas and journalistic methods of Vincent Grippi and his other colleagues from the State’s major newspapers. So, after careful consideration and with the full blessing of our families and spiritual advisers, we are here to declare our intention to run for–and win–the state’s top award for College Football Sportswriters.”
Pundits were shocked by the announcement. Nobody knew that the award existed, that it was up for grabs, or that there would be any type of public election. But citing a need for change, Brinkhater’s declaration “should serve as a warning for all mainstream media types that everything is on the table. And to my fans all over the globe, please be assured that help is on the way.”
Meanwhile, reaction began pouring in from all over Cougar Nation. “I had no idea you could even do something like this”, said Bud Nameck, WSU football sideline reporter. “But having said that, I can’t disagree with any of it. Brinkhater and Sedihawk really are a breath of fresh air. Each week I let them into my home with their columns and predictions, filling the deep void left by the lack of mainstream media’s ability to inform and entertain. I mean, I can read notebooks or get links to other stories about WSU pretty much anywhere. But I think that perhaps some of the old acts have grown tiresome. In these troubling times, we really need a change.”
When reached at his palatial Tacoma estate last night, longtime WSU football announcer Bob Robertson said “I don’t know who Brinkhater is, and quite frankly, I don’t care for blogs, message boards or the Internet in general. But where Vince Grippi of the Spokesman is concerned, well, he has a long history of being an honest beat reporter who gets the facts straight. OK, so he blogs about his family outings with his Dad when the Cougs travel to UCLA and muses about problems at his apartment in Pullman during home games. But who doesn’t want to read about that?”
When asked if his statement reflected his infamous dark sarcasm, Robertson quickly stammered into a play-by-play call of a three-yard gain by former WSU running back Frank “Magic” Madu, “weaving his way up the middle and lunging out to the 42-yard line!” When asked what he meant by the description of the Madu carry, Robertson replied “Who? What now?” before abrupty ending the call with his trademark “always be a good sport, be a good sport always” catch phrase.
In a prepared statement, WSU Football Blog contributors “Longball” and “Hooty McBoob” roundly endorsed Brinkhater and Sedihawk for the honor.
“Brinkhater has been an outstanding blogger on the WSU landscape for many wonderful years. And his record speaks for itself” said Longball. “We would be thrilled to see him and Sedihawk assume the top spot in WSU Nation.”
Said McBoob: “Who else on the planet has been able to acquire an amazing 46-2 record picking WSU Football and Basketball games? Even though I hate the sport of basketball, I cannot deny Brinkhater’s greatness. And Hawk, wow. Have you seen the stuff he’s done this year? And in our worst year EVER? The daily content is better than ever! And as Brinkhater himself has said, this is a time for change. “
Throughout the press conference, Brinkhater continued to fire shots across the bow of the Grippi campaign, calling the self-described aging and balding former athlete “out of touch with his audience.” Brinkhater then touted his own 46-2 record picking Cougar football and hoops games over the past two years. “I simply ask you all to look at the record, and compare it to Grippi’s. I think that when people open their minds and review our respective accomplishments, the WSU Football Blog will become the people’s obvious choice.”
The Grippi-Blanchette campaign had no immediate reaction, perhaps because there isn’t a true Grippi-Blanchette campaign. Vince Grippi appeared, like many others, to be completely unaware that there was such an award or that there would be an election.
When reached at his home late last night, after several moments of stunned silence, Grippi tabbed the situation as “outrageous” and refused to comment further pending a morning meeting with his Spokesman advisers.
Election Day is Tuesday, November 4th. Polls open for early voting starting the morning of Friday, October 31, 2008. Every vote counts.
’til then….stay Tuned.
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