A Rube’s Take on the McNabb Trade

This past Sunday night, the Philadelphia Eagles traded their franchise quarterback, Donovan McNabb, to their division rivals, the Washington Redskins, in a move that made racist Philly fans rejoice and the rest of the fans in the NFL make the loudest collective record scratch sound in the history of the world. It was phenomenal. I’m pretty sure that’s what caused the earthquake in Mexico. Regardless, several Minnesota Vikings fans were a tad upset they couldn’t snare McNabb despite still waiting on Favre. We picked a random Rube to share their thoughts on how upset they are they didn’t get Donovan and what they would have done instead … “God! Stupid Childress! I knew I hated him! I mean, his bald and dumb nuts signs every single player that the Eagles used to have and then toss away except for the ONE person that probably could’ve made a real difference! Todd Pinkston? Greg Lewis? Mike McMahon?! Thomas Tapeh? JESUS! This organization is so stupid! I could’ve made this trade way better, man, way better! Just listen … “See, I would have given them something that they think is awesome but I know is super stupid, because I’m such a great football mind. I would have offered them our compensatory fifth round draft pick NO QUESTIONS ASKED as well as Tahi, because he’s so dumb, and an, because the Eagles, like never have any receivers! … What? Who is Desean? What a stupid name … And Maclin? Is he trying to ‘mack’ on people! Idiots! I can’t believe those stupid birdmen think they’re smarter than everyone. They should hire me, unless Childress gets fired and I can do this Vikings job. “But they would have eaten that trade up in a heartbeat. Then I would have had McNabb in case Favre didn’t come back. What, you don’t think I’d get two franchise quarterbacks on one team? McNabb would totally do it! I’d pay him money to do it. And he know he’s do it, because he knows he’s not as … smart … as Favre. Favre just reads defenses better. It has nothing to do with him being white, honest. I always hated Culpepper too … that Brad Johnson though, really knew how to manage an offense … “And then McNabb would wait for Favre to retire, probably after 2010, and then he’d play out his contract. … He only has one more year on his contract? Well, I’d pay him tons of money then … Zygi who pays the players? Well, whatever, I’d tell him he would have to or I would leave and go to the Packers. So then McNabb would play more years and it’d be perfect because he knows this offense better than that dumb old bald dummy knows it! Ha ha! It’s perfect! Then we’ll have the chance to win like, fifteen Super Bowls in a row. It’s fool proof. “You know what though, I’m not even worried about the Redskins now, or the Iggles. Both teams can’t hold a candle to the Vikings. We’re just sooo good. Oh, you got Donovan McNabb? Whatever. I didn’t even want him anyway. He’s always injured and vomits all the time. He can’t handle the pressure! He’s a choker! CHOKE! Not like Favre. If his teammates wouldn’t have been so stupid last season Favre would’ve had the Super Bowl easy. No question. Favre did everything right. But the Redskins and the Eagles? Whatever. The Eagles just traded away the best quarterback they ever had, and … Jaworksido? Is that like a Jet Ski? … and the Redskins have like a new coach, a bad defense, a broken down new quarterback, overrated running backs (none are as good as Adrian!) and play in an overrated division. “Take from me, losers, the Vikings will be NFC and Super Bowl champs next season because all of these other teams are garbage compared to the Vikings! Keep making moves, idiots! We just keep getting better!”