Gentlemen and ladies, we are faced with a crisis. Too many of our goddamn aces are getting hurt.
This spring, for example, we have seen Yu Darvish injured, likely in need of Tommy John Surgery. He is but the latest. It seems like, year after year, our great pitching heroes go down, struck down by their own cruel bodies and the fact that mankind was not made to throw a baseball like a professional pitcher does.
I, however, have a solution: breeding.
Yes, to save the arms of professional pitchers, we need to start breeding them to create a new species of humanity who are highly resilient and can still throw a ball over 90 MPH. Fastball pitchers who have not had as many injuries should be encouraged to have their families marry with each other, until, finally, generations from now, members of Homo Fastballis will be awesome on the mound with little risk of injury.
Or not. Maybe we could, like, figure out what the natural way of throwing a pitch would be, like what Mike Marshall was trying to do, if I remember correctly. But then all the current pitching coaches would be out of a job, so…yeah, looks like we’ll have to do a big eugenics experiment.
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LINKS:
Billy Witz on how ballplayers break in their gloves.
Joe Posnanski remembers Minnie Minoso.
Deadspin has excerpts from Jonah Keri’s book on the Expos, now in paperback, and they focus on Vladimir Guerrero.
Eduardo Encina on the odd jobs that Orioles had to do to make ends meet on their way up the Minor League ranks.
Poor Chuck! Is Charlie Brown the worst manager ever?
J.R. Graham, a Rule-5 pick by the Twins, wears stirrups, not because he’s old school, but because it helps him stand out to his mother, who has vision problems.
SELF-PROMOTION OF THE WEEK: I covered the Marlins for “30 Teams, 30 Posts” with collection of Giancarlo Stanton home run videos. Because I said so.
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Something was bothering me today: Who has the most Spring Training home runs in history? I know, this would be close to the most useless records in sports, but for the life of me I cannot find anything on the first page of a Google search. Or a second page. Or when I changed the wording a bit.
So, if you know who holds the record for most career Spring Training home runs, let me know.
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As always, you can see more of my work over at Baseball Continuum.
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