50. Pittsburgh Penguins at Boston Bruins.

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How much can change in two months. Almost two months to the day, the Bruins and Penguins were locked in a battle for first place in the Eastern Conference. The Bruins won the game 3-1 and it was someentertaining puck. Since that game the Penguins have gone 12-10 while the Bruins have gone 15-9. Boston has remained in the second spot in the Eastern Conference for a good portion of the season whilePittsburgh has jumped from first to eighth to now sitting in fifth in the Eastern Conference.

This is, of course, without their superstar Sidney Crosby. In his absence though, Geno Malkin has been on fire. Jon’s bromance for Malkin has gone through the roof as of late so if he isn’t tweeting or doing gamerecaps it’s because he’s in jail for stalking. There are rumors that Jon’s ‘Save the Date’ invites for his wedding will be Jon cuddling with a Geno Malkin doll and his fiancee sitting behind them in tears. I’ll leteveryone know when I’m disinvited for writing that.

malkin
Malkin’s a beast though.

Speaking of beasts:

I miss the old Matt Cooke. Yes, I’ll admit it. The Penguins were an easy team to hate, especially when Matt Cooke was running around dropping bows to people’s temples like they were going out of style. Now he’s gone soft on us (or as cblog would call it: soff) and is being a good boy this year.

ITS FUCKING BULLSHIT.

I want Cooke out there running people like he’s trying out to be the lead role in a god damn Hitman video game. I want him checking people from behind, dropping elbows, dropping leg drops, kicking children,ripping out people’s throat and hailing Satan. I want the old Matt Cooke. This new Matt Cooke is such a pussy and it pains me. I want this guy:

cookie
Hockey is easier when there’s someone to hate. Now, Bruins fans will probably be blowing up the comments section, my twitter account and our Facebook page with shit like ‘BUT COOKE HURT SAVVY BEAR!’ and to that I say get over it. Look, whatever Matt Cooke did two years ago is over. Yes, Savard is hurt, but honestly, I’m sick of hearing about it. I’m sick of people always mentioning Savard when people talk about other player’s concussions, like we need Marc Savard to be mentioned so it validates some sort of love for him.

You know what Matt Cooke, go out there and start being a pest again. I didn’t draft you in fantasy hockey so you can score goals, I drafted you because you rack up PIMs like I stream porn on my PS3. But not anymore. Now that Mrs. Cookie got sick, your balls shriveled up inside your body and you’ve stopped playing on the edge. It makes me a sad panda. It really does.

Just don’t do it against the Bruins and we cool bro.

Speaking of the Bruins why can’t they fucking beat Carolina?! Carolina couldn’t beat a fucking squirts team and they sweep the Bruins like Boston is some pathetic fucking District 5 team. It’s disgusting. Carolina isn’t even good. Their goalie has the most generic name is the world. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.

Hopefully Boston will get their shit together and get ready to face a good hockey team.

This has nothing to do with what I’m going to say, but it’s bad-ass.

So yeah, the Bruins better get ready to face a good hockey team since they play like shit against the bad ones. How do you lose against Carolina? I’m still stunned.

At least Marc Savard and Sidney Crosby will be watching the game together. I hooked up a web cam so we can watch their reaction to the game. Here’s what Savard’s living room looks like:

savard
bert
WTFOMGBBQ!...

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Projected Lines

Milan Lucic – David Krejci – Rich Peverley
Brad Marchand – Patrice Bergeron – Tyler Seguin
Beniot Pouliot – Chris Kelly – Dorothy Hamill
Dan Paille – Greg Campbell – Shawn Thornton

Zdeno Chara – Johnny Boychuk
Dennis Seidenberg – Shitty Joe Corvo the fucking turnstile
Adam McQuaid – Andrew Ference

Tim Thomas
Tuukka Rask

Media

Puck Drop: 1pm EST
TV: NESN, NHLN-US (for those outside of the Boston area)
Radio: 98.5 The Sports Hub
Online Feeds: Here

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